the Office quote of the day 9-24-08

Dwight Schrute: This car is crap. I will buy it for next to nothing.
Andy Bernard: How next to?
Dwight Schrute: Well, here are your options: You can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff, you can donate it to a person who you’d like to see die in a car crash, or you can sell it to me and I’ll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. It will be towed by a donkey.
Andy Bernard: I have to pick one of those?
Dwight Schrute: Yes.
Andy Bernard: Can you go over those options again?

The Office Season Premier 9.25.08!

the Office quote of the day 7-20-08

Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like…Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like…Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

the Office quote of the day 6-28-08

Jim: [dressed like Dwight] Question: What kind of bear is best?

Dwight: That’s a ridiculous question…

Jim: False. Black bear.

Dwight: That’s debatable, there are basically two schools of thought…

Jim: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.

Dwight: Bears do not…what is going on?!? What are you doing?!?

the Office quote of the day 6-10-08

Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working. Alpha male. Jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.

the Office quote of the day 5-28-08

Dwight: I’m a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me…I am better at hiding than they are at vision.

the Office quote of the day

Andy: [to Michael] Just listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk, waitresses, hot. Football, Cornell-Hofstra, slaughter!

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Andy: Best ad ever? [singing] Give me a break…gimme a break…break me off a piece of that…[stops] I am totally blanking! What is the thing?

Jim: Nobody tell him!

Andy: Wha? No…why?

Jim: You got it, you’re so close.

Andy: Break me off a piece of that…apple sauce

Jim: Break me off a piece of that apple sauce. I don’t think that’s…

Andy: Piece of that Chrysler car…football cream…

The first rule in roadside beet sales – is you don’t talk about roadside beet sales.

The second rule in roadside beet sales – is you DO NOT talk about roadside beet sales.

Dwight: First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “wow, I need this beet right now.”  Those are the money beets.

the Office quote of the day

Dwight: [upon seeing the fate of his stapler] Dammit! Jim!

Michael: Okay, hold on, hold on. Judge is in session. What is the problem here?

Dwight: He put my stuff in Jell-O again! [to Jim] That’s real professional, thanks. That’s the third time and it wasn’t funny the first two times either!